Unforgotten
by himeoozora
Summary: The feeling of not knowing what others know is hard to cope with, especially if the same very thing affected your life on the long span. The anger, the loneliness, the confusion of being torn between knowing that you have to find what you're missing, and being scared of it at the same time is a nightmare. my sequel to Hanaboosa's fic on ao3
1. Chapter 1

' _I have a surprise for the two of you~"_ was the last thing he said before disappearing behind the classroom door and into the hallway.

Runa chuckled, "I wonder what he'll bring with him this time."

"I wonder about that too~" I said, a wave of uneasiness washed over me for some reason.

"Come on, Momo. Let's go back home. I'll walk with you today." Extending his hand to me, I gladly nodded and took it. I was more than happy to have someone like Runa and Kokoro in my life.

We walked down the sidewalk; my house was around the next corner. I looked to my right—where the street was—to see Kokoro standing in the middle of it.

"Kokoro!" I called out, but he didn't react. I looked to where Runa was standing to not find him there as well. "Runa?" did he go home already? But? Haven't he seen Kokoro?"

I was sure that I called his name as loud as I could; there's no way Runa didn't hear it!

I was so confused; when I turned back, Kokoro was looking at me, his face was blurred out for some reason, even though he was close enough for me to see his features. "Kokoro! Don't stand there! It's dangerous!"

As soon as I said that, Kokoro smiled. His lips were visible now, he moved them and said something I couldn't understand even though I could hear it.

A warning horn alerted me that a truck was dangerously speeding towards my friend. It was two centimeters away from hitting him; but he didn't seem to care much about it.

"KOKORO!"

I opened my eyes to find myself lying on my bed, my pillow were soaked with my own tears. I touched my cheek to find more of them flowing. "Ugghh…" I hardly managed to get up; it felt as if my own muscles were refusing to move.

"Momosuke?" my mom entered the room. "I thought I heard you calling?" she looked so worried; she walked and sat on the edge of my bed. When looking closer, her face was pale, as if she hadn't slept well in days. Black bags were lightly former under her eyes as well.

"Ah, it was just… another… dream?" I said hesitantly; those dreams bothered my parents more than what they did to me. I was wondering if they were already fed up with all of this. I felt guilty for making them worry every day.

But the thing is; I can't remember any of those dreams I have. All what I know that they're disturbing…

"It's okay honey," mom kissed my forehead, her kiss was lighter than what I'm used to. "Now come on, let's get ready for school, shall we?"

"Of course~" I smiled and got up from my bed. For the past few days, I've been feeling that I'm missing something important… but at the same time, I don't want to know it.

…

I walked down the street and passed by my favorite flower shop. I entered to greet the old lady that works there. She had some customers inside; a couple that were friends with my parents. I greeted them as well then left. Before I did, she gave me a beautiful rose "as a gift". I thanked her and took it gladly.

But no matter how much they smiled, I could see it. They had the same look my parents had. In their eyes I could tell that they were hiding something. That something made them pity me. I didn't like that.

I put the rose on the side pocket of my bag and moved on. Suddenly, wind blew at me; causing the rose to fly; it landed in the middle of the street. I looked back at where I thought it fell then attempted to go pick it up. A car was faster than me; it crushed the poor rose under its wheels as it passed by.

Déjà Vu washed my entire being as the same car passed right next to me; it was all too familiar. I tried to remember what this could've meant but I was immediately struck by a terrible headache.

I decided to let the rose be and thought of apologizing to the shop lady later.

It took me ten more minutes to finally reach Etoile Vio academy of idols~

I loved this place so much, I loved everyone that worked there. I also loved all my "classmates".

I loved being here every day of the week, and on weekends, I loved going out with my friends.

I've created some new friendships in this very same place.

I loved it so much but it hurt.

It hurt waking up every morning.

It hurt to prepare to come here every day.

It hurt seeing those familiar faces every day and greeting them makes me want to cry.

But I don't cry.

It _is_ weird for a crybaby—such as myself—not to cry whenever I get the chance to.

I've seen Runa around only for a few times in the past, but now I hardly ever meet him anymore at school. Him and Kokoro stopped coming for a few weeks now.

Those "classmates" of mine do come and chat with me a little. Even the producer, too!

But for some reason, I felt as if they didn't want me here. As if they were asking me every time why I still come. As if they want me to disappear like Runa and Kokoro did. It was a mute question that I could only read in their eyes.

Did they hate us that much?

It took me a couple more days before I stopped going to school, too.

Strangely, I didn't get any calls from school asking why I've been absent. I expected that, though. My parents didn't say anything much as well.

What is going on?

Bit by bit I hardly ever gone outside. I barely ever stepped outside my own room!

It felt as if the will of doing anything was slowly fading from within me. It's became _so_ hard for me to even get up from my bed.

' _Aaahhh~ kokoro will scold me if I neglect my training…'_ I rolled to the other side, I was facing the wall now. _'I'm sorry, Kokoro. It's just too much for me to even think about anything right now…'_ I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

…

"…O?" I felt something lightly poking my side, alongside it was a faint voice I couldn't understand what the owner was saying.

"… mo…" it came again, in a slightly clearer manner.

"… Momo?" I became so clear now. I wanted to ignore it and keep on sleeping; but the voice wasn't mom's nor dad's.

I slowly opened my eyes. "Who—," my vision was blurry but I could easily recognize the person. "Eeep!" I jumped to the other side of the bed, my back pressed to the wall and my blanket fold under my arms to cover my body all the way from my chest to my feet.

"Why—why are you in my room, Kanata?" I rubbed my eyes; maybe it was another dream.

"I came to check on you and your mom insisted to get me in. I'm sorry; I should've declined." He scratched the back of his head, a deep shade of red spread across his cheeks to ears.

I felt bad for embarrassing him like that.

"I, it's—,"

"I'll go out now! I might as well pass by later…" he didn't look at me as he said so; he rushed outside my bedroom.

Before I could notice, I jumped out of my bed and followed him. He was about to take the stairs down but I managed to reached his wrist and grab it. "Wait!" I stopped to give myself a chance to breath.

"I, I'm sorry! I just woke up so I couldn't react better…." This is all what I could say? I didn't have anything else to be told, anyways. I didn't understand why I ran out like that, in the first place.

"Ah! It's okay! I'm the one who's supposed to apologize~ I worried that you might have didn't want me to see you in your sleepwear, or something." He smiled shyly. "By the way, it's really cute. Suits you well~"

"My… sleep… wear…" the squirrel pajama which Kokoro gave me…. A simple top with slanted short sleeves and loose-fit shorts. Both pieces had squirrel pattern on them… the pajama was quite feminine—considering the one who gave it to me—but I really loved it, since it was from Kokoro!

"Yeah! I didn't expect to see you in a feminine wear indoors as well~"

My face was heating up; for some reason hearing someone complimenting me like that made me feel dizzy. I think Kanata noticed and said something about waiting me downstairs. I nodded my head unconsciously and ran back to my room.

"To be seen in such clothes…" no, no! I need to stop thinking about that and get dressed! My face stayed hot for a few minutes later.

It took me longer than I thought, when was the last time I actually went out with friends again? It've been way too long…

As I gone to the lower floor; I could hear someone talking on T.V.

" _And thus Kokoro Hanabusa's b—,"_ the T.V was turned off.

"Was that a news about Kokoro~?" I approached my parents, they didn't look at me for an instant.

"H, hey, Momo. Let's go out a little." Kanata came out of nowhere and grabbed my wrist, he pulled me to the door leading outside my house.

"Eh? So suddenly? I need to tell my parents first!" I tried to struggle but Kanata suddenly stopped.

"It's okay, I already took permission!" and with that, he twisted the knob and opened the door. Wasn't it supposed to be locked? Maybe mom unlocked it for us already… or even dad.

As I walked besides Kanata—who was still holding my wrist—I could feel that he was unsettled. Something bothered him. He also seemed like he wanted to cry…

What happened? I need to ask him.

"Kanata…?" I called out, he seemed not to notice. "Kanata?" I called again and he stopped walking.

"Y, yes, Momo?" he put on a forced smile. Even I could tell it wasn't a real smile!

"Your hand…" is shaking. But was it alright to point that out?

"Ah! Sorry! I didn't notice I was still holding your wrist like that!" And he got it all wrong; he finally released my wrist.

"Wha—no! I meant that—uh," I hate those moments when I don't know what to say. It happens a lot to someone like me, sadly. "I mean, we can just hold hands normally you know!" and so I did, I don't know what I was thinking. But Kanata seemed quite happy with it. It eased his nervousness a little, I guess.

"So, anyways. Where are you taking Momo today?" I smiled.

Kanata's face lit up upon hearing me say that, for some reason. "Momo! You're finally back"

"Eh?" I titled my head. What did he mean by that?

"Never mind~ I want to take Momo to a nice cake shop that opened recently~"

"A cake shop! That sounds like a great idea!" my pulse quickened as soon as I imagined delicious, varied kinds of cake placed in a beautiful order in a random shop I made up. I realized how much I craved eating something sweet.

Kanata squeezed my hand; as if he wanted me to pay attention to him. "Come on? Let's go!" I nodded and followed his lead.

…

We didn't talk much on our way there, I was more focused on when we are going to reach the cake shop. I lost counting at one point; but it didn't take much to find behind the last corner.

"Hop Bun Café?" it had a cute bunny on its logo; maybe that's a reason why it attracted Kanata. I chuckled at the last thought.

"Did you like it?"

"hmm?"

"I mean, th, the logo…"

I couldn't stop myself from chuckling once more. "Yes~ it's very cute."

"I, I see. Um," he seemed a little hesitated. "let's go in?"

"Yes." as soon as we entered, the sweet odor immediately filled my lungs, my eyes widened upon seeing the great amount of sweets that was arranged in an attractive way.

One of the maids welcomed us and led us to an empty table, with two chairs at each edge.

"Thank you for coming to our shop~ here're the special couple offers~"

"Eh?! N, no—,"

"We have a special offer over "Lovers Glass" with a special mix of refreshments that is twice as big as the usual with a 70% off~ we also offer a medium-sized heart-shaped cake with the price of the small-sized one! Those offers will only be found in our shop and for a limited time~ and there's more to go~!"

"Y, yes. We'll have these two." Kanata looked at me with wide eyes; as if I betrayed him. I smiled at him, however. It was Feb the 2nd, no wonder shops already promotes valentine's offers. Yet, I got an uneasy feeling upon hearing one word: Heart.

"I d, didn't expect you to… order these…" he looked away.

"I'm sorry Kanata; I couldn't say no to such seductive offers~ also come on! Medium-sized for the price of the small and a glass filled with special mix of delicious juice with 70% sale? That's too good to be real~"

"W, we could've at least checked the rest of offers… or… the normal ones…"

I felt a little guilty, I didn't ask if he wanted these in the first place. "I'm… sorry… I should have asked you first… I'll… go cancel the order…"

"No, it's okay! They probably started making it already; it'd be too bad if we cancelled it now."

"I'm sorry…" maybe I was _too_ excited about the dessert I forgot I came here with someone else…

"Momo, what happened to Ricky? I didn't see him with you in a while~"

"Ah! For some reason I kept forgetting about him, and at one point I just didn't feel like bringing him with me anymore…" I don't see Rabirabi with him, too? I wonder why.

"I didn't bring Rabirabi with me as well~" here we go, "I left him with Ricky~"

"What…?"

"Before I woke you up, I saw Ricky on your desk and placed Rabirabi besides him so he doesn't feel lonely if we go out~"

"I see…" I didn't expect that… how come I didn't notice it when I was changing? "Th, then you'll have to walk me home or else I won't give him back to you!"

"Eeeh!"

I laughed upon seeing his reaction; it was thrilling. "Just kidding~" Kanata laughed as well.

Two maids came back, holding a trophy-sized glass filled with a colorful liquid. "Here's your lovely, full-of-love, special Lovers Glass!"

Okay, maybe I should have pointed out we're _not_ a couple. "Thank you." She placed a couple of drinking straws into the "trophy"; I think I might have started to regret this choice.

One maid left. "I'll bring your cake when you're finished with the special drink~ or do you want it to be served right away?"

"N, no. it's okay. We can have it next." Kanata replied, his cheeks suddenly kissed pink like a spring rose. I wondered if mine were colored the same.

"W, well. It's _huge_." I tried to ease the awkwardness that overwhelmed after that great intro of the drink.

"Yeah… I wonder if we'll be able to finish it all…"

I nodded then got up from where I seated to reach one of the straws. I took a sip then sat down right away. "It's good!"

"Really?" Kanata imitated my action and took a sip, too. "You're right, it's really good."

"Let's make a challenge~ who'll drink more of this will pay~"

"Alright~ even though I was going to pay it myself since I'm the one who invited you here."

"R, really?! I, I wasn't serious! I thought we'd split it and pay together…"

He shook his head. "No. I wanted to help Momo to enjoy this day and so I'm the one who's going to pay~"

"Kanata…" I didn't know why back then, but I had a weird feeling that willed up within myself. I wanted to embrace him and cry for an hour or something—which was weird.

When I looked back I found him already starting to sip from the drink. "Waaait!" I immediately readjusted myself and starting sipping as well.

Between short breaks, the juice was over in record time. At the end, we didn't know who drank more than the other. Kanata insisted on paying it himself and so I let him. I told him that wherever we go next; I'll be the one to pay.

Shortly after, the cake was here.

"I feel so stuffed right now…" I complained. Despite how delicious the cake seemed to be; I could move my hand to grab that spoon and taste it.

"No, no. we can't leave it untouched now~ you're the one who ordered it so you'll have to bear the consequences" he smiled a devilish smile; who could've imagined that such an angelic boy could show such a smile.

"… fine." I attempted to slice a piece but Kanata was already holding a spoonful towards me. "Eh?"

"Come on, I'll feed you." For a shy boy to offer this like it was a piece of cake; it made me feel heat rushing to my face. Bet I was blushing like an idiot right now. Kanata I surely full of surprises.

I opened my mouth and quickly welcomed the sweet taste inside. It was good, _SO_ good!

Right after I swallowed it, another spoon was waiting its turn. I gladly accepted.

Next time was my turn to feed him. However, Kanata seemed startled by my move. "What now? Come on, I'll feed you too!" now his cheeks were back to that soft pink like an outdoor glow. I found it cute.

As we finally finished the cake, we were already too stuffed! We couldn't eat nor drink anything anymore! We decided to stay in the café for a little longer. We chatted a bit about varied topics.

However, Kanata was obviously trying his best to ignore any topics about Etoile Vio. I _really_ wanted to ask him why; but I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I was in a _great_ mood, honestly. And I felt that if I ask about the school, things may turn badly.

I let it slide and tried to talk about anything else.

It was around evening when Kanata picked me up and got me here, now it's dark outside. "I think we should head back."

Kanata checked his phone and gasped. "It's already dinner time! We need to go back right away!"

And so we left. Kanata walked me home as promised; I gave him back Rabirabi.

That night, I tried to stay positive and think about the happy time I've spent with Kanata. I made sure to take Ricky off my desk and hug it as I tried to fall asleep. Bet he was lonely without me~ I'm sorry buddy~

' _Maybe this time I won't have any disturbing dreams...'_ I thought, _'But before this, I need to check something quickly.'_ I grabbed my phone and unlocked it. I tapped on a chat app and slide through my contacts. I opened one chat:

Kokoro3: _Right. Kokoro is happy with Momo's performance today! Please keep it up~ [received at 9:43 p.m, 3 weeks ago]_

Me: _Yes~ Momo had so much fun today as well~ looking forward to more live shows with Kokoro and Runa~ [sent at 9:51 p.m, 3 weeks ago]_

Something about this conversation didn't feel right.

I started tapping on my screen:

Me: _Kokoro! Where are you? Momo misses talking with you and Runa a lot : ( [sending failed]_

I sighed and locked my phone. For some reason, I knew deep down it was useless. Kokoro stopped texting back long ago… and so did Runa. But why? Why can't I remember anything?

My eyes burned and tears started flowing down on my pillow.

Why am I crying now…?


	2. Chapter 2

After I made sure Momo was home safely—and that I got Rabirabi—I rushed back home. I ran to my room and locked the door behind me, gladly, no one was around; I wouldn't have liked to be questioned about what happened.

I leaned on the wall opposite of my bedroom window. I hugged Rabirabi and watched as the moon glow slowly started to shine outside.

I lost sense of time—it's not like it really mattered. What happened was a great hit—even on the president himself. He delayed some of our shows as much as he could. But he said that daily training was important no matter what!

I tried to stick around as much as possible.

I've tried to smile every day; it didn't take much for me to realize it was a great effort.

I kept on a poker face; that's a one I've never been used to!

But it was easier to cope with.

But there were times where I was happy! And smiled!

I just can't remember them right now.

Seiya haven't appeared since then, though. I barely saw him the next morning and I wished I haven't.

He was there, definitely with his body. But his soul and mind were somewhere else.

The old happy-go-lucky Seiya I admired wasn't the one I saw that day.

He looked more like… a dying sunflower!

Nothing but his colors was bright back then. Even his eyes weren't shining like usual.

I can't blame him, though.

None of us was the same after what happened.

Yet, there seemed to be one person that could put on a smile that was almost _real_.

It was the last person I thought I'd see like that after the news was announced.

I sighed. Every night was like that. All my recent memories kept looping inside my head until my body gives in and falls asleep.

I did stay awake very late I skipped some training sessions already.

But…

But nothing about it was fun anymore!

I gave Rabirabi a tight hug then I forced myself to get up from where I settled.

I threw my body on my bed, it was cozy and I thought I might as well fall asleep early tonight…

…

 **]Flashback[**

"… _Again, later this morning, police have found the lost student, Kokoro Hanabusa's dead body lying nearby an abandoned factory outside the city. Some parts of his outfit have been torn and found hanged on some branches. It's theorized that it's due to him struggling to run throughout the woods. The investigation is still going on to know why and whom have committed such a terrible crime."_

I still remember the morning when I heard the news for the first time.

My eyes, my stomach, even my head started to act weird.

Even though my entire being was screaming at me that moment; I couldn't move an inch. I couldn't say a word.

My eyes were wide open and my mouth, too.

I was sad.

I was shocked.

I wanted to cry but couldn't.

For the past month when Kokoro went missing, we were trying to stay positive and believe that this whole thing was some sort of surprise and that Kokoro will come back soon.

And then this happens? This is a lie.

This is a one big lie… right?

A hand was wrested on my shoulder, it was warm and the touch-somehow—was full of concern.

It was mom. Her hand slowly moved to pat my head lovingly. My dad gestured to my little brother to leave the room.

For some reason, as all that occurred, I felt at ease. I felt that I could cry as much as I wanted now.

Instead, I turned my head to my mother and said in a voice that I couldn't recognize "this is not true, right? Kokoro is still alive, right?"

All what I wanted was to hear a "yes" but even mom couldn't see me like this; tears spilled down her cheeks immediately. Her mouth covered with her free hand. _"Honey…"_ was all what she said but it was enough to break it down for me.

I cried for a long time, then. Maybe an hour or so. But it wasn't in front of mom, of course! I told her that I'll be in my room—that's when all the feelings I locked inside were exposed to the world to see.

…

I unlocked my phone screen in the morning and sighed. "I'm late again…"

Every morning I struggle to decide whether to go practice or not.

It've been a week now since we heard the news, though.

I eventually decided to go. We had an important live in two weeks and I _at least_ had to try. Akira is surely there, too. But Seiya…

…

Surprisingly, I found Seiya there practicing with Akira! Without me! I should have woken up earlier… I barely could practice a little with them before we had to departure to do other things.

I was relieved that Seiya seemed to be a little bit happier than the last time I saw him. He's still sad, of course. But that far from being seen through him easily now!

I lost contact with him for a couple of days, even Akira said that he needed some space. Kokoro was dear to him, after all.

He was dear to me too. So Akira suggested me to have it easy on myself, too. He also told me that he'll always be here for the both of us…

Akira really did resemble a big brother for me and Seiya! I felt it strongly back then!

Having Ichus like Akira around helped the rest of us—that were severely damaged upon losing a dear friend—to slowly get back our old selves.

That's another single thing that made me relived upon realizing.

There was at least one person in each unit to hold the rest of it together, but one.

If all of us already had someone to support us, then what about the remaining members of Pop'n star?

I bet they got hit the worst…

I talked to some Ichus and they said that no matter how much they tried to talk with Runa, he always dismisses any kind of chat and runs off the scene. And as for Momo… he… he simply acted like he knew nothing.

I… felt bad for all of this. Momo was my friend! Runa too!

As their friend I should give them a shoulder to lean on and cry.

Runa… was indeed hard to get to. And it'd become impossible to interact with him when he stopped coming to school at all!

I checked the producer and president and discovered that all their shows have been canceled.

"This… might be the end to Pop'n Star." Said the president, his voice filled with grief. The producer was there, too. She seemed a little unsettled.

"I sent a notice to Kagurazaka."

"And what about Momo?" I said.

"Ah, Oikawa… considering his condition; I believed it'd be better not to let him know."

"But! But that's unfair! If he doesn't know that… that all their shows are canceled he'll still come every day to practice and look forward to these concerts! And… saying it's the end to Pop'n Star is just—"

"Predictable!" he cut me off, his voice become angrier. I took a step backwards, shivering.

"It's Hanabusa whom started this unit. He's the one whom dragged them along. And he's the one whom made the fans cheer loudly in every live!"

He was right… my chest ached upon admitting that…

But then, the president sighed. "Maybe I haste saying that it's the end. But this decision will remain in consideration until proven otherwise."

I clenched my fists.

"So, if Runa and Momo decide to stay, you'll let them be?" said the producer.

"Yes. Even though I doubt that."

"I see." She turned to face me. "It is my job as their producer to help them take such a big decision." I nodded. "But you, and all the other Ichus must help me!"

"Don't push them too much and remember to give them some space." Said the president.

"Of course we will."

…

I explained to the producer that none of us could reach Runa anymore and she said she'd handle it. She's also going to explain the situation to other unit leaders to get their help. In return, I told her I'll try my best with Momo.

As I attempted to leave, I found the members of Lancelot waiting nearby for me and the producer. They were worried, too. Especially Issei—him and Momo had a good relationship so far.

I let the explanation for the Producer; "Excuse me as I leave for now." I did as said.

"Hey, Kanata." Issei stopped me. "If you ever met Momosuke around, let him know that I—we're worried, too! Also a call would be… nice." I smiled and nodded at him, he seemed relived, though.

The next thing I did was calling Momo, his phone was turned off.

I then called his house, his mother picked up.

All what i intended to do was to ask about Momo's wellbeing and wonder if he can talk to me if possible, but I was surprised that she wanted _me_ to talk with _her_ about him… somewhere.

" _I… never met Momo's mother before… what if she was sca—no!"_ I shouldn't say that about someone I haven't met yet! "I… I guess I'll try to… do it…"

I told her that I have no problem in meeting with her. She asked me if I know any nearby place where we can talk and so I told her.

We ended up meeting in a small restaurant I liked.

 **]End of flashback[**

…

For once, I managed to wake up before the practice's deadline. _"Great!"_ I muttered to myself as I placed my phone back on the nightstand.

" _I had a lovely time with Momo yesterday!"_ I still wonder how's Runa doing, but I can only focus on one thing at a time.

I ate breakfast and said goodbye to my parents and little brother before I was off to school.

Every morning, I'd pass by a small park. I enjoyed walking through it to the other side of the street. _"It's a good shortcut!"_

" _Chu, Chu Darling~"_ someone was singing; the voice too familiar, but faint. It blended perfectly with the background noises. Cars horn, children laughter, adults shouting to promote their products. Even though the voice was so faint, and lost in the distance, I still could hear it clearly.

" _Baby, Baby My Love~"_ I've never heard those lyrics before; yet I kept aimlessly searching for its source.

…

…

' _What am I doing?'_ Wasting time, that's what I'm doing.

I sighed and got back on my track. I must catch up with the training on time no matter what!

…

' _The weather is surely nice today~'_ I sighed. _'It_ _ **seems**_ _nice…'_ I assumed it was nice by looking at how many people are outside today. They were having fun, too….

I looked up from where I settled—a bench in a random park I found. _'The sky is beautiful… was it always like that on such days? I never payed attention to it before….'_

No matter how beautiful it was, it made anxious. It's ironic how in such condition—I actually admired the place the scared me the most.

' _I can't move on.'_ It's not like I'm suffering here. It just hurts to not be noticed all that much by others.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" a creepy old man talked as he approached me. How come this is the next to happen right after I wish someone would notice me?

"Come on, don't make that face!" he sat next to me and smiled. Maybe… he doesn't look all so creepy anymore… but no! I can't trust strangers so quickly! Not after what happened… ugh, I hate how much of an idiot I was.

"Listen, I'm here to help you."

' _What?'_

…

I finished my training; it felt as if our old atmosphere was starting to come back bit by bit.

Seiya's mood was still cloudy, but his smiles didn't seem to be forced anymore; which relived me.

Yesterday he invited me to have some snacks with him and Akira after the meeting I had with the president. That day I went on my own to talk to him, but I was surprised that the producer was there, too! Then everything happened and I couldn't hide how upset I was about the situation.

But then Seiya and Akira came and helped me forget about it all!

Gosh, I can't describe how thankful I'm to these two! Forever thankful!

I told them that I was going off early, "are you going to meet Momosuke?" said Seiya. "Can you give him this, for me?" he handed me a keychain, with a tiny squirrel plush attached to its end. "I saw this few days ago on a shop display and I felt like buying~ tell him it reminded me of him, ok?" he grinned one of those bright grins of his which became rare nowadays.

"Of course!" I nodded. How can I refuse an offer coming from someone that makes me happy occasionally~ not that that smile doesn't have its own powers~

I tucked the keychain into my backpack and existed Etoile Vio.

I was in a very good mood~ my pace quickens every time I think of how many good stuff I have to tell Momo about! I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings; I ended up bumping into someone.

I lost balance and fell backwards. "Oww…" I rubbed my back; that really hurt; the corning of my eye got a little wet.

"Gosh, can you be a little more careful next time?" when I looked up, I found Mio extending his hand to me. He was frowning, though.

"Ah, I'm sorry, Mio! I'll be more careful next time~"

As he helped me get back on my feet, he sighed. "Just… how can you show such an eased expression under these circumstances?" he didn't seem… annoyed when he said that? He was… sad.

Right. Even though he and Kokoro agued almost every time they interact with each other, no one could deny that even Mio secretly cared for Kokoro, too! He's a kind person, honestly.

Yet, what he said made me feel a little guilty. "I'm… sorry…"

"Come on, Mio! Be easy on him!" Ban showed up from behind him. "We all grieved what happened. We all grieved losing a family, but that doesn't mean that we can't forget about it for a while and ease ourselves with something!"

"But this is not even a normal death case!" said—more like, shouted mio. Ban, however, grabbed his wrist. "Mio, please! Calm down!"

"No!" he snatched his wrist free and walked away.

"Mio!" Ban was about to follow him, but then he turned and faced me. "I'm sorry about this…"

"No, it's okay. Follow him. I think he's going to cry." I smiled—but I wasn't happy.

Ban seemed unsure for a second. "Right. I'll… come back for you later!" He said as he walked away.

Come back for me later? Heh, did I seem like I wanted to cry, too?

I've never been that good of an actor.

But what Mio said was right. The case was obviously a murder. Police are still investigating, though.

How did I… dare to forget that?

I was so ready to move on already, for Seiya's and Momo's sake. For everyone's sake.

I was so ready to accept the fact that Kokoro passed on, but… I forgot the main issue!

Whoever… whoever dared to commit this crime needed to be punished!

' _Ah. What am I going to do now? My mood is all cloudy…'_ I can't meet Momo like this!

I… just didn't feel like doing anything. I just wanted to go back home and stay there for the time being.

I took off my backpack and picked up Seiya's keychain. _'I have to deliver this! Also Iseei's message! Momo needs support, too. And these are important for him to know!'_

I inhaled slowly.

Held breathe in.

Then released it, also slowly.

' _I have to do it! I won't cry, either!'_ I wore my backpack again and started walking towards Momo's house.

…

"Oh~ Kanata you made it today, too! Thank you for paying us a visit~" Momo's mother seemed a lot happier than the last time I saw her. "Thank you for yesterday, Momo's mood was a lot better! He didn't stop talking about what you did~" she said as she guided me inside.

I couldn't help but smile at what she said. "I'm glad I helped~"

I did promise I'd come around as much as I could to cheer up Momo.

That day when we met, she told me that what she feared the most is Momo's breakdown.

He haven't had one, yet!

Well, naturally. He's been denying Kokoro's death to the point his brain just, wiped any kind of memory about it.

She said that seeing her child seeking and craving to be with someone that's no longer in this world hurt her.

She said that she _knew_ something was up and that he's probably thinking that they're—we're hiding something from him.

Anyways, I made it here. I climbed the stairs up to Momo's room.

"Kanata~" he's still in good mood, how reliving. "Are we going out today too?"

I shook my head. "I want to stay indoors today."

"In my room?"

I felt my face heated up. "W, well! I can be anywhere else! A… a living room for example? Maybe…?"

"I don't mind staying in my room!" Happily, he grabbed my hand and led me to his bed. He gestured for me to sit on it. He sat next to me, then.

"So? Did you want to talk about something?"

Seeing him this happy…

"Ah! Well, someone asked me to give you something." I quickly took off my backpack and searched inside for the keychain. Rustling noises filled the room for a second before I finally took hold of the item. "This is for you! From Seiya~ he said it reminded him of you!"

I swore Momo's eyes shone up for a split second. "Really? Gosh, it's so cute! Thank him for me~ hehe~" his cheeks were tainted in a shade of pink.

"Why don't you thank him yourself, instead?"

"Heh?"

"Not only him who's worried about you, but also Issei! And all of Lancelot… and the producer… and everyone!"

"I... see. But why are they worried about me?"

"Erm! Because you haven't been coming to school recently!"

"Oho! Of course!" he chuckled. "I'm such an idiot, hehe~"

I sighed. Thank god, I almost messed up!

"Say, Kanata. Are you bothered by something?"

"Eh?"

"I noticed that as soon as you walked in!"

"It's… nothing! Just some… personal stuff…" it's not like I can tell you… I wish I did, though.

We stayed silent for a while. Just… awkward silence. I didn't have much to say, nor did Momo.

I started to feel… nervous. My pulse quickened and my head ached. My eyes were burning; I closed them.

"K… Kanata?" he held my hand.

His voice and touch brought me back to reality.

"I understand if you don't want to let me know about whatever bothers you, but! You can always rest on my shoulder and cry!" he hesitated, "if… if you want to, of course…"

I couldn't help but chuckle a little. Momo was _so_ clueless of what's happening. And even though I believe he's the one that needs a shoulder to cry on, he ended up comforting _me_ and offering _his_ shoulder instead.

I leaned a little and lightly placed my head on his shoulder. I tried to get myself comfortable. "Momo, your shoulders are small~"

"S, small?"

"Uh-huh." I moved closed to him, our shoulders touched.

"A, as long as you're h, happy with it."

…

Kanata seemed quite comfortable with resting on my shoulders; I believed that at one point he'll just fall asleep.

Though, when I held his and hand and pulled him inside, also when I sat next to him on my bed… I didn't feel anything special. Yet, when he rested his head on me; my face heat up. My pulse also started acting weird; is he making me… uncomfortable?

No. it wasn't that!

It got even worse when he was _so_ close to the point that our shoulders touched!

No matter what kind of feeling that was, I liked it. I didn't want Kanata to move away any sooner!

I could feel the ups and downs of his chest as he breathed slowly. He had his eyes shut so I assumed he really did fall asleep. _'Good…'_ for some reason, seeing him like that made me ease.

I moved my hand—which was closer to him, to hold his own. While my other hand ruffled his hair a little. "Are you asleep?"

"Mmm?" he slowly opened his eyes, and blinked. He then moved his head away. "I think I did nap a little by accident…" he yawned, rubbing his eye.

"Oh no, I shouldn't have woken you up!" also come back here… stay close…

"Hehe, but your shoulder would get all numb!"

"Th, that's true…"

"Anyways, I appreciate your support~"

"You're welcome~ as always~" I closed my eyes and smile.

When I opened them, I found another pair staring down at me. I froze.

They were admirably beautiful, so beautiful. It felt as if they're calling me to get closer, and closer…

The door creaked as it was opened wider than when I left it. "Kids~ here are some cookies and hot milk~" it was mom.

I got up and took the tray that had two cups and two plates with the same number of cookies on it. "Thank you, mom~" she patted me on the head and flashed a smile at Kanata before she left.

"Ah, I'll have these and leave. I don't want to be late for dinner~"

"Aww, can't you stay longer? You can have dinner with us!"

"I… I can't! I promised mom to go back home early!"

A part of me died upon hearing him say that. He's not to be blamed, though. "I don't want you to go." I said as I sat next to him. "I'm just so lonely lately."

What have I just said?

I sighed. "Runa doesn't answer my calls. I tried to visit him many times but they never let me in, for some reason." my hands rested on my lap, fingers intertwined together. "I also can't reach Kokoro… but for some reason, I've been way too scared to visit his house."

A tear fell down my eye, landed on my dress. I tried not to cry, but I can't help it anymore.

Not having Runa or Kokoro around made it so hard for me.

"D… do you think they hate me? But what have I done?" I hic and sniff. Ah, I'm sobbing now…

It didn't take long for me to feel that I'm being pressed against something warm.

It wrapped around my shoulders and brought me closer.

It was Kanata… and? He's hugging me?!

Naturally, I moved my arms and wrapped them around his waist, too. He was in front of me. With a knee on the bed right next to me, supporting him to not lose balance. His other leg on the other side of me.

If his legs gave in, he'd end up sitting on my lap.

I didn't mind it all that much.

"They don't hate you." He said, patted me on the head.

I sniffed, "then why?"

"Erm—they must have a reason to it!"

"A reason…" I didn't seem to believe this, no matter how much I tried.

"It'd be really hard to explain…" he leaned back and adjusted himself to be able to stand without the bed support. "But I wish you'd understand." He cupped my face, more tears spilled from eyes as he did. I shut my eyes firmly, hopelessly trying to make the tears stop.

"Momo please don't cry!"

"But… I'm really sad! I miss them so much…" I sniffed once more.

Kanata, then, wiped my tears using his thumbs, my face still cupped. "Here, have this." He reached to his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief.

I gladly accepted and blew my nose. "I'll believe you. But they better explain their reasons soon!"

I… felt that I already knew what's holding them back… but again, when I tried to remember it; I got a terrible headache tangled with great fear.

"You can keep it. The handkerchief."

"Thank you." I got up from where I settled. Kanata took a step backwards to give me some space. Instead of moving somewhere else, I hurled towards him and gave him a hug. "This felt so good earlier, hehe~"

I didn't see it, but I bet that Kanata was blushing hard~ it made me fuzzy from the inside.


	3. Chapter 3

"This is bad. So bad." Walking in circles, I bite down my nail. "What are we going to do now?"

"I _don't_ know!" came the expected answer.

"We have to do something! We… we should run outside! To somewhere else!"

" _IDIOT!_ " I jumped. "We _obviously_ can't go anywhere."

"B, b, but why?" I approached my boss, hands trembling.

" _Because_ 1-We have no money. 2-Police is _EVERYWHERE_ and I can't trust you two to keep your mouths shut. Especially _you_."

"M, me?! But what now? What can we do to survive this?"

"I… have a plan."

…

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I taped on my table, each tap rhymed with my wall clock clicks.

 _Click. Click. Click._

"Ugh." I stood up, throwing my exhausted body on my bed. "Why did this have to happen…?" I could feel hot liquid sliding on my cheek. "Ah. Kokoro will be upset… if he knew I cried... haha…"

Getting up, bittersweet memories rushed to the back of my head.

Memories from so long ago… when I and Kokoro were playing in my house's garden.

I remember we were around eight years old back then.

Kokoro didn't feel like playing with me that day; he wanted to go back home.

But since I knew him well enough; I insisted on him staying with me, for a little bit longer.

I rushed inside, grabbing a couple of melon breads and gone back outside.

My mother have asked the maids to always have a melon bread stock available for Kokoro—he did come here a lot and mother loved him so much. So obviously, this would happen.

"Here." I handed him one.

"Ah, thank you…" he didn't look at me, nor did he give me one his beautiful smiles that usually accompanies being gifted with melon bread.

"Kokoro! Are you sure you're all right?" I sat next to him, a hand rubbing his back.

He sniffed. "It's just…" Ah, he started crying. "It's those kids from school again."

"I had a feeling this was the reason why you're gloomy…" I took the melon bread from his hand and put it aside. Then, I patted his head. "Kokoro, this needs to end right here. You should tell you parents about this!"

"But… I don't want to make them sad!" he sniffed more.

"Ah, then, how about we tell _my_ parents?"

"E, eh?"

"Well, I mean mother, of course." I smiled; the shock in Kokoro's face was amusing. I was positive that he'll accept this time…

"N, no way!"

Of course he didn't.

"Why?"

"I don't want you guys to get involved in this…"

I clenched my tiny fist. " _We're already involved!_!" I almost yelled those words; Kokoro gasped. "I… I'm sorry. But you know, it hurts _me_ too when I see you cry like this. It hurts so much I swear I can feel your pain… so please… let me help you! Will you?"

It took a moment for it to sink in; eventually, he gave up and let me tell my mother.

In which, mother talked to Kokoro's and they ended up going to school together.

They talked to some teachers and the bullies were lectured hard~

After that, Kokoro's smiles were even brighter than before.

He also could stand for himself at school in a short while~

If only I went to the same elementary school as him, maybe I could have been able to stop this earlier…

But! I'm happy it's over now!

I cherished the time I've spent with Kokoro, he was my dearest friend.

Despite the fact that I had "friends" from our families meetings and such, Kokoro was the _only_ one that treated me like a normal kid. He was honest and fired up about things he loved.

He didn't care I was rich.

He didn't care that my house is larger than his.

He didn't understand why I should be treated differently at all.

He was the only "friend" I could act normal around.

The only "friend" I could be myself around.

"Tsuuukkiii~ thank youuuu~" he jumped on me the next day, hugging me tightly. "Without you, I could have never been able to tell mommy and daddy about the bullying~ hehe~ now it stopped and I feel free!"

I chuckled. "But of course you're welcome~ it's simply what friends do to each other, huh?"

"Nooo~ Tsukki is different~ I dunno how to explain it, but!" he hugged me tighter. "I loooove Tsuki _so much_!"

Ah, what an innocent, beautiful smile that he gave me then. I couldn't help but to imitate it as well. "Yes, yes. I know~ I love kokoro too~"

His expression lit up, he _squeezed_ my body so hard I couldn't breathe. "K, kokoro!"

"Ah! Sorry, sorry~" finally, he released me.

Holding my hand, he gave me a shy kiss on the cheek.

"W, what was that for?"

"Nothing~ I just felt like doing it~"

I looked away.

"Aha! Tsuki! You're blushing, aren't you?"

"D, don't look!" I covered my face with my hands.

"Come on! Let me see your cute face!" laughing, he tried to move my hands away.

He gave up, though, seconds later.

"Tsukki is really cute~"

"S, stop with all the sudden affection and kisses…"

"Hehe~ but _you're_ cute~" he chuckled, I joined him with a smile.

Kokoro was one of the few things I had that made me happy.

At one point, I believed I would never find a friend like him again.

But then we met Momo.

Then we became idols.

Both I and Momo did it only for Kokoro's sake.

We literally could throw anything only for him, if we could.

He was just… _that_ precious to us.

But then…

He had to leave us behind…

All of a sudden…

He simply walked away, then disappeared…

Why…

Why couldn't we stay together?

Why did he have to leave… _like that_?

Why… why…

I started crying again. "I'm sorry… Kokoro… I can't handle holding back… anymore…"

…

"…"

I walked my way back from my friend's house, he seemed to be suffering so much…

I sighed and sat on the very same bench I usually pick whenever I decide to pass by this park.

"Are you still unsure?"

" _Eeep!_ " I jumped; this old man's voice startled me! "When did you—ugh, never mind."

"I'll ask again, are you still unsure?" for some reason, he was sitting next to me.

"Of what? Getting your help?" I knotted my eyebrows in a frown; no matter how sweet and gentle this man seemed, I couldn't trust him.

"I understand how you feel, though. But you know, time will pass. And people will move on, even the ones you hold dear. They'll forget about you at one point, so why not do the same?"

"What… are you talking about?"

"Aren't you angry?"

"N… no."

"Hm, aren't you sad at least? Regret anything?"

"Maybe…"

"Aren't you _lonely_?"

"…!" hearing that made words stuck in my throat. My eyes started to burn. "… Yes…"

"Ah, my child. Aren't you so selfish?"

"E, eh? I'm not—,"

" _Of course you're_! Didn't you just witness your dearest friend crying _because of you_?"

"How do you… know that? And how come I'm selfish?" I stood up, head heating up like an old computer overloaded.

"I have my ways. And yes, you're selfish." He slowly got up and faced me. "You allowed your carelessness to hurt yourself _and_ others. Literally, everyone you ever cared about or vice versa is suffering now. And it's all because of _you_."

This entire time I couldn't face him; because he was right.

It's my fault Runa is crying.

It's my fault Momo can't remember.

And Seiya no longer smiles like before…

Also Mio… and producer… _**everyone**_ is suffering because of me…

It's all my fault.

"Now, now. Don't cry."

Was I crying? I don't know. I don't know a single thing anymore.

All what I felt that moment was emptiness.

I couldn't pass on because of the way I… was forced to leave…

It's unfair, you know?

If only I was a little more cautious…

"Come on, child. It's okay." He rested his hand on my head. His touch reminded me of my grandparents. "Will you now let me help you?"

I nodded.

…

"Sir?"

I heard knocking; it was one of the maids.

"Sir, you have a guest."

A guest, huh? That's not new to hear. I've been getting a lot of visits lately, but I usually end them short unless they were related to my studies.

"Ask them to leave. I don't feel like seeing anyone…"

It took her a while before she came back again.

"Sir she insists on seeing you."

 _She_? "W, who is it? The guest?"

"Uhm, she says that she's your teacher."

"I'll come in a minute." I got up from my bed and headed to the bathroom attached to my room. Washing my face, I wondered if my guest was the producer.

After I was finished, I headed out to the guest room. "Well, well. It's unusual to see you here, teacher." I smiled as I entered; indeed, it was the producer.

"Ah, Kagurazaka! I finally got to see you!" she came up to me, expression loaded with worry. "How do you feel today?"

"… Not so well, as usual."

"I see. I'm sorry. Yet, I came here also to tell you something important."

"What is it?" I closed the door behind me, just in case someone may hear something or two.

"It's about your unit, Popn' star."

"Ah…" I looked away. This was the least I cared about right now.

"Please, Kagurazaka! We need you back! Or else we'll sadly have to disband—,"

"Then do it."

"E, eh?"

"Disband it."

"D, don't say that! I mean, wat about Oikawa—,"

"It won't work, anyways. And it's useless for us to even _try_ without him… I can't see this happening. Sorry."

"Are you sure of this? What am I going to tell Oikawa?"

"…"

"You know his… mental state won't help. I can't go to him easily and say that all your shows have been canceled and that Popn' star is disbanded!"

"…"

"He… he still believes that… Kokoro is alive…"

"… I know."

"Do you think that Kokoro will be happy with this? With the result of his hard work vanishing all that easily?"

"… Of course he won't… but it's hard, you know. I've only—," I realized my voice was a little high; I moved away from the door. "I've only done what I did _solely_ for him. And since he's no longer here… I…"

I didn't hear a response so I kept on talking. "I might as well focus on family work."

"I understand…"

"However, until Momos is wary of what really happened to Kokoro, I shall keep on attending practice and keep him company."

She smiled, "Kagurazaka, you're truly a great friend. Thank you so much.

I'd push myself to the limits if I had to; for the sake of these two…

"Still, I do hope that the time you'll spend with him in practice will make you change your mind."

Chuckling, I sat on a chair, gesturing to the producer to do the same. "We'll see about it. Would you like to have some tea? Tell me about what happened when I was gone."

…

The atmosphere started to gloom even worse in Etoile Vio.

" _Have you heard?"_

" _Yes, it seems the police found more clues."_

" _Uh, I think this case will be solved soon…"_

" _It better be! When they find those bastards I'm going to beat the crap out of them!"_

It seems this crime's cause is about to unfold…

Soon, we'll know who—, "Ah!" I bumped into someone, again.

"S, sorry."

"Kanata! Just in time!" it was Toya, and he held something in his hands. "Here, this is for you and Momosuke~"

"Uwaah!" he handed me two lunch boxes. "Did you make these?"

"Yes~ I can cook any dish you see~ anyways, I made these lunch boxes for my unit _and_ the younger ones. You two are the only one left."

"Ah! That must have been so hard!"

He waved his hand, "no, it's nothing special. You guys had it the worst and I've been thinking of a way to make you feel better… even though I'm not sure if lunch boxes would be enough…"

"They are! They made me and Rabirabi very happy! We're so thankful~"

He chuckled. "I see. I'm glad it made you happy, then." He turned and was about to leave, "Oh!" but he remembered something, then. "I saw Runa around today! I was surprised to see him after so long~"

"E, really?" my pulse quickened, I was happy to know that. But then I realized something. "Um, did you also give him a lunch box?"

"Ah—of course I did! A, anyways I have to go now. See you!" He rushed off the scene.

He said that he prepared lunch boxes for us, but then Runa appeared and he didn't expect it. Could it be…?

"I see. Hey, Rabirabi. We should thank Toya, too~ I think he gave his lunch box to Runa, after all…" I glanced at Rabirabi's face, "ah, Tenjyo Tenge members are thoughtful and very close, too. I'm sure they noticed~"

Even by stating that out loud, I still felt a little guilty; I followed where I thought Toya had headed to and peeked from behind a tree…

"Hey, Toya~" Tsubaki called. "Come join us."

"E, eh? Is this…" the rest of his unit members sat on picnic mat in the back garden of the academy, with a big flat tray in the middle. It had the content of the lunch boxes Toya had prepared distributed on it.

"You're too kind for your own good." Said Aoi.

"We know what you did; so we emptied our boxes and decided to share." Smiled Tatsumi.

"I…" hehe, Toya's cheeks were tainted pink. "Thank you." And with that, he sat next to his friends. "By the way, I don't remember making Onigiri?"

"Yes, yes. I bought some on my way here." Said tsubaki. "Anyways, you made a _huge_ amount of food there; it's impossible for me to eat it on my own."

"True. Not to mention my diet, I decided to eat it only because Toya made it for me."

"It look so delicious~" grinned Tatsumi.

"Guys…"

"Hehe, are you going to cry?" teased Tsubaki. "Kidding."

Then they laughed together.

"I think I was silly when I worried. Am I right, Rabirabi?" I smiled as I left.

I planned to leave Etoile Vio; to head to Momo's house. But I was surprised that I saw _him_ rushing towards me.

"Kanata!"

"Whoa!" he almost tripped, but I managed to stop him in the last moment. "Are you ok?"

"Ah!" he's… shaking?

I quickly put the lunch boxes I was holding aside, Rabirabi on top of top of them.

"What happened?" I rested my hands on his shoulders, waiting for any possible break down.

"Kanata… you must help me!"

"I'll help you! But with what?"

"I'm looking for someone!"

Is he talking about… Kokoro? I gulped. "W, who?"

"An old man!"

"Eh?"

"I'll tell you everything, just follow me." He grabbed my wrist, pulling me behind him.

"W, wait! The lunch boxes! And Rabirabi!"


End file.
